Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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