my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
