Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize