I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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