remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
