Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
