Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You've changed since you got that strap on
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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