I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
