I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize