can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize