Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize