I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
