After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
