no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
