I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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