For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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