Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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