I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she smelled like a LAN party
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
