She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
