and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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