i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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