Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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