haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
