between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
