my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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