you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
