this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
