this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
