We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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