No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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