I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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