i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
