Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
