Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
