i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
