My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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