You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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