I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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