Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
