I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
