i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
