i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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