woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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