Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
