that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
