I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
