the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
