i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
