Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
