idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
