I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
pray to the hookup gods
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
