dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
