What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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