I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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