he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
