I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
