despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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