dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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