Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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