all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
