and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
